For example, an angry parent exhibits less patience with his or her children and is quicker to snap and yell. In particular, a grudge-holder can become so stressed by the grudges he or she holds that it negatively affects the way that person parents. Harboring grudges can be devastating to a household. “ The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1 As a bonus, once your grudge is resolved, you may also find yourself being kinder generally to everyone else you know. This will open up an opportunity to be vulnerable in a conversation about how what they did made you feel, if this is appropriate-instead of shutting that person out further.Īfter enough of those conversations and/or civil interactions, you may find that your grudge has started to dissipate and that you may even like that person again. Speaking gently to someone you hold hard feelings towards allows them to drop their guard and (hopefully) speak to you politely in return. Even if it takes counting to ten beforehand, speak to those you harbor resentment against in a reasonable and polite way, instead of speaking to them harshly to hammer home the point that you have something against them. One way to start acting kinder than you feel is to change the way you speak to those against whom you hold a grudge. Instead, you can choose to be kinder than you feel. No matter the grudge that you may be grappling with, you don’t have to be that person who causes others to be on their guard or to flee the room the second you set foot in it. This direct method of addressing wrongdoing helps to appease your anger and-hopefully-also helps to restore the wrongdoer. Instead, Scripture encourages you to rebuke your neighbor gently but frankly if he persists in causing strife ( Galatians 6:1 Leviticus 19:17). In maintaining healthy boundaries with the challenging people you’re called to love, Scripture discourages you from letting hatred for that person build up in your heart. Last but certainly not least, you should strive to quell your anger towards another because you’re called to love your neighbor and pray for those who persecute you, even if that “other” is acting more like an enemy than a neighbor ( Matthew 5:44 Leviticus 19:18). Research shows that bearing grudges increases your chances of: While angry people plot and punish, solution-oriented people point out offensive behavior and correct misunderstandings.Īnother important reason to not let anger consume you is to ward off the physical and emotional problems that develop when anger turns into grudge-holding. Anger clouds our judgment by focusing our thoughts on seeking vengeance instead of seeking resolution. There are many reasons not to let angry feelings stew. However, Scripture wisely instructs that we’re to express our anger in a godly manner, and that we’re to reign in those angry feelings quickly. God is well-aware that injustice exists in the world and, as such, tells us outright that we’re allowed to be angry ( Ephesians 4:26). Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26 If you’re finding it difficult to break free from a grudge’s grip, consider these 5 Bible verses that promote perspective and healing. It’s no wonder that God commands us to not bear grudges but to love our neighbor as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18). In fact, stewing over past slights keeps you stuck in the mire of resentment which, in turn, leads you to treat everyone else in your life with an undercurrent of hostility and distrust. However, once your indignation subsides, you find that holding onto a grudge only makes you feel worse. Whether you’ve been hurt by a loved one’s betrayal or by a co-worker’s unethical behavior on the job, the pain of a personal slight makes the grudge you hold tight feel all the more justified. Most people have nursed a grudge at some point. In the midst of all that darkness, however, we hold onto the knowledge that rays of light always shine through.įor many, one of those rays of light during difficult times is the blessing of a new perspective on an old grudge. Throughout your lifetime, you may witness or fall victim to epidemics or injustice the likes of which the world has seen too much of lately.
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